Pages From Life

[That Guy With Maus]

I'm trying to decide if my dog, Maus, has lousy timing or good timing.

I walk her on a beautiful waterfront sidewalk that stretches for about two miles. During the winter months there aren't many people there. It's mostly the regulars who are there rain or shine. You get to know the faces and say, 'hello' whenever it's appropriate. During the summer there are a lot more people. Most seem to come from across town, or maybe they're just coming out of hibernation. Our winters are mild, but they're long.

Most things on our walks are pretty routine. But there's one thing that started to stand out when Maus was just a puppy.

It seems that when an attractive woman is coming toward us on the sidewalk, Maus decides it's time to do her business. At first I thought it was coincidence, but it just kept happening.

I first noticed it because I'm a single guy. Single guys notice attractive women and whether we'll admit it or not, we want to make a good impression. So when Maus chose that time to be artistic and create a sculpture in the grass, it kinda put a cramp in my 'style'. Not that I really don't have much of a style to begin with. After all, I am still single.

So many times as the woman walked by I'd be there, bent over with a plastic bag in my hand picking up Maus' lawn-art. I have to say, it's pretty hard to make a good impression when you're picking up after a dog. I've tried to make jokes about it. My favorite is to tell her I'm making an organic hand-warmer.

I thought about just leaving it and moving on, but then I realized that if she saw what the dog was doing and then didn't see me pick it up, I'd look irresponsible. Besides, I don't like it when other people leave it behind... er... well... their dogs leave it behind... I should stop saying 'behind'. But anyway, I won't do that. It's kinda rude and it stinks. It also ruins the beauty of the place on a hot summer day as the smell of dog poop fills the air. Most people prefer the smell of flowers or the restaurants along the waterfront.

So, I have resigned myself to the idea that, when the woman of my dreams comes walking by, her first impression of me will be of my butt sticking up in the air as I fill that plastic bag.

A friend told me that I should wear Levi's jeans. She said that she often hears women talking about how guys look in them. Maybe that would help.

Or maybe I'll just have to wait for a woman who's impressed by a responsible dog owner who obeys 'leash and scoop' laws. Until then, my love life is at the mercy of my dog's digestive tract and her impeccable timing.

I wonder if she's doing it on purpose...